Dear Chihuahua of Fear
36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36
Since I came to Christ years ago I have heard about freedom. That if Jesus sets you free you are free indeed. Well that has been a struggle for me. The abuse in my past has had me locked up in the recesses of my soul. Slowly, through a healing process that is one of many layers and length I have found more and more healing, but I am still in process.
So how could I be set free? Fear is a four letter word in my life. That nasty word that I have had to deal with in surrendering the secret of childhood sexual abuse from age three to seventeen. It has been right on my heels chasing me down and trying to stop me from pursuing my dream. Freedom in Christ. My own and that of others.
God has a God-sized dream for each of us. For me it is to preach the word of God, sing His praises, and write for His glory. Currently I am launching a church as a female pastor. You can bet fear grew each step along the way.
In the beginning, too afraid to tell someone about the call. Too afraid to go to school. Too afraid to leave my house. Too afraid to sleep at night. Too afraid, Too afraid, Too afraid. But I did manage to do it all with fear tagging along. After, I began school for my degree in Church Ministry, someone, a trusted friend tried to molest my daughter in my own back yard. She ran into the house at an urging to run, and he left before she got to me to tell.
All the memories came flooding back about my past. The fear super-sized in my life to the point of not being able to steer my car down the driveway. It was unrelenting. Fast forward years later, and I have learned to use the fear to drive me toward God’s calling on my life. If I am afraid to make a step I have learned that if I go in the direction of fear I am headed towards a God-sized destination.
Through the Door
My husband grew up on a farm. As a teenager he had a pet chihuahua named Goliath. He barked at everyone all the time. Even those who lived there. One night my husband came home late. Suddenly he felt something on his ankle. There was Goliath attached to it, but all he felt was wetness because Goliath had no teeth. That tiny ferocious animal that barked constantly and loudly was gumming his ankle with all of his might. True story.
Well Beloved fear can bark loudly, it doesn’t discriminate, and can have a name that allows us to look for a giant. In reality though the enemy has no teeth. Fear is all gums. False evidence appearing real. If I told you I had a dog named Goliath I bet you wouldn’t picture a toothless chihuahua. Still that is what fear is. It is toothless. It can distract us. It can pretend to be ferocious, but in reality when we step through the door fear can only gum us. The enemy has no power over us unless we give him false teeth. True story.
Wherever you are in the plans God has for your life. Whether you are pursuing a God-sized dream or the healing and freedom I spoke about before, step into the door where there is fear. Freedom is knowing Goliath has no teeth.
I launched this blog at the beginning of the year as part of the God-sized dream destination He has for me. I began blogging in 2010, and devotional blog currently while I write my first book. However, I also hope to use this blog to reach out to women and men who are survivors of childhood sexual abuse, rape, post-abortion syndrome, depression, anxiety, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am writing my manuscript in an effort to use my voice to tell my story and help those who desperately need healing. Those who need living water. I am counseling women at the local pregnancy support center, and wrestling with memories of my past. I have to take medication for panic attacks almost every day. Each morning Goliath is a raging lunatic at my door. But, I just remind him that he has no teeth, and I show him the way out as I take another step towards freedom. Each night he sits by my bed stealing sleep. I take my medicine, roll over with my Bible in my arms, and go to sleep.
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