Never again will I subject myself to community. I will be just fine right here with my husband and three kids! I walled off my heart from the hurt I didn’t want to experience ever again, and from the God who allowed it to happen.
My family, my friends, my church family, a pastor, and even a stranger had hurt me to the core with their betrayals, critical spirits, and lack of support. So I isolated myself. For three years I struggled to forgive all the back biting, the slander, the abuse, and those who had just plain forgotten me since I left the church to follow God’s calling
Just when I couldn’t take being a guard at the bitterness prison, and had forgiven others, God repeatedly led me to messages of forgiveness. I would get so frustrated. God I know what forgiveness is and what it isn’t. I know that by faith I have forgiven everyone. So who is it you want me to forgive. What more do you want from me?
And I knew His answer: “It’s time you forgive yourself.” I just crumpled into a ball of tears. Me? It’s really me? “Yes, really Melinda. I love you and it’s time you forgive yourself. I have. So how can you not? I’m not going to let you keep hating yourself.”
You see every day I was battling my inner voice. If you heard that voice it would convey how much I hated me. Joyce Meyer has said we better like ourselves because we can never get away from ourselves. And me, myself, and I were miserable together. Humbly I cried out to God asking Him to help me receive grace and give it to myself.
His answer came. I was chosen to be a part of a launch team for the book The Wall Around Your Heart by Mary Demuth. Although I cringed when I heard that the book was a road map that used the Lord’s Prayer I agreed. I mean don’t you cringe when you think about the phrase, “Forgive us as we have forgiven?” I didn’t know what I was in for. But I plunged in heart first.
Later I picked up the book and read this line:
“And I realized the abuse I most often have to heal from is self inflicted.”
Flash forward six weeks or so, and this book has changed my life. Parts of the wall I thought was impenetrable have fallen and love is making my heart its home. Love for others, and finally love for myself. I will never pray the Lord’s Prayer the same way again. So I wanted to share my favorite quote from the book above, and let you know the book has officially released.
Friends if you are struggling to forgive yourself or others this book is for you. The amount of increase in intimacy with God and entrance back into community are just two of the blessings this book has to offer.
Mary Demuth has found the way out of the walls around our hearts, and is inviting you to join her in a quest for open hearted living. I for one have accepted that invitation. Will you? Click on the pic of the book beneath the post to accept the invitation.